Baby Gender Stress

I’m at week 24, more than halfway through Peanut’s baking process. We found out Peanut’s gender during the week 22 scan 2 weeks ago.

My MIL told us that she dreamt of an olive fruit the night before we announced the pregnancy – it was supposed to symbolise a boy.
The aunties in the neighbourhood were insistent it was a boy, reasoning that it was because “Elise looks like a boy, so the next sibling would definitely be a boy”, “The point on the back of her head where her hair starts is right in the centre. I bet you’re having a boy!”
My husband was also definite that it would be a boy. When I was pregnant with Elise, he kept saying, “it’ll be great if it was a daughter that looked like you” and it turned out to be a girl.
Even before the week 22 scan, my dad was referring to Peanut as didi to Elise…

I checked the Chinese conception charts and tried the ring test. Couldn’t understand either one.

The stress was real. It’s proven by science that men determine the gender of the baby, but somehow because the woman is the one carrying the baby for 9 months, in some societies, they get blamed for “not being able to produce a boy/girl”. Everybody was so sure that Peanut most definitely possessed a penis. It made me doubt myself because I had no sure sign. The next day, the moment I entered the scan room, I told the sonographer my worries about how everyone insisted it would be a boy and I felt so stressed. After a few swipes, she told me that, yes, Peanut was indeed a boy like everyone predicted.  She even captured a photo which I promptly sent to the in-laws and my husband, who were over the moon.

I’m not sure what to feel, actually. It’d be interesting taking care of another gender. Having a boy and a girl is like striking the gender lottery. Responses after confirming Peanut’s gender include “That’s great, you have a pair”, “Now you can close shop“, “At least this one’s a boy, so you don’t need to try again” like the only acceptable way is to have a boy. It’s ridiculous that outsiders determine the number of kids we should have. -_-  IF Peanut were a girl, I’m very sure they would pat me in a consoling manner and say “Boy or girl, doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s healthy” or “You can always try again!” like it’s a sin to have two of the same gender.

I asked my husband why he was so fixated on having a boy and he said that he wanted Elise to have a little brother who would protect his sister from bullies, especially since she has a prosthetic eye. WELL… I was already intending to enrol Elise for self defence classes so she can kick butt on her own.

If Peanut was a girl, I would be less inclined to try for a 3rd kid in case I ended up with 3 kids of the same gender. Now, it doesn’t matter which gender #3 (if #3 ever happens) is. My dad has already asked me if we’re going to do ligation/vasectomy. Let’s see. The exhaustion of looking after two young children without a full time helper is the best form of contraception. I can’t imagine how I’m going to bring a newborn and toddler out alone for playdates though! We’ll get there a step at a time.


Elise has been pointing to my belly and kissing the bump whenever I ask her where her didi is. I’m confident she’ll be a doting big sister, as long as it doesn’t involve sharing her food. They can play soccer and run around together. It wasn’t that long ago that Elise was the one doing somersaults from inside. Why do babies grow up so quickly?! Soon they’ll be married! 🙁

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